Fantasy Monologues (Vol. 9)
Whether you're warming up for an audition or building your fantasy portfolio, these ten original D&D-inspired monologues offer something for every voice in your arsenal. From conniving rogues to wide-eyed adventurers, each piece is crafted to stretch your range, sharpen your character work, and keep your sessions anything but boring.
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The Right Kind of Trouble - Sable, Roguish Information Broker of the Tangle District
"Now, I'm not saying the job is dangerous. I'm saying the job has a... colorful risk profile. (leans back, picking at a fingernail) The vault is guarded by two sleep-deprived mercenaries, one moderately competent trap, and a dog named something like Biscuit. You look like people who've handled worse. (tilts head) The split is sixty-forty. Before you argue, consider that sixty goes to me because I know where the vault is, I know Biscuit's favorite treat, and I'm the one who gets hanged if this goes sideways and someone starts talking. (stands) You're the forty because you're the ones going in. Simple arithmetic. (moves toward the door) We leave at midnight. Don't be late, don't be loud, and whatever you do, don't pet the dog until after we're inside. He gets attached."
What the Throne Actually Costs - Lord Edran Vassil, Governor of the Walled City of Caern
"I'll be honest. I considered sending you away. (folds his hands) Don’t get me wrong, I hold no doubt your cause is just. I've read every report out of the eastern provinces and I know what's happening out there. (quietly) But every soldier I send with you is a soldier not standing on my walls. And there are people in this city, families, children, who sleep at night because those walls are manned. (stands, moves to the window) I can't give you an army. But I can give you something the eastern roads will respect more than swords. (holds out a sealed letter) My name. Use it at every checkpoint between here and the ridge. (beat) Come back alive. I'd rather have allies than martyrs."
One Last Time - Brennan Ashford, Retired Weapons Master, Dusting Off His Blade
"Don't give me that look. I'm old, not dead. (checks the edge slowly) I haven't held this in four years. Left it up there the day my apprentice died because I decided I was done letting this thing make decisions for me. (beat) That was the plan, anyway. (slides it back into the scabbard) Here's what I know that you don't. Voreth doesn't fight fair. He fights efficient. He'll let you tire yourself out on his defenses before he even raises his hand. So when you get in close, and you will get in close, you don't go for the killing blow. You go for his right shoulder. Old break, never healed right. (grabs his coat) I'll show you on the road. (quietly) Don't tell my wife."
My Best Minions - Zorrifax the Contemptible, Wizard of the Obsidian Tower
"I would like to take a moment to express how profoundly insulting this is. (gestures at the wreckage of his laboratory) That gelatinous cube took me three months to cultivate! Three months of feeding it, maintaining its temperature, teaching it a rudimentary patrol route, and you've dispatched it in what, four minutes? (voice climbing) I am not angry. I am disappointed. There is a difference. (regains composure, mostly) You have, however, demonstrated a level of competence I did not anticipate. (taps fingers together) So I am willing to offer an arrangement. Help me retrieve something from the lower dungeon, something I am too sensible to retrieve myself, and I will consider not turning you into the very cube you just destroyed. (pleasantly) I think that's quite generous given the circumstances."
Off My Land - Maret, Farmstead Owner Outside Dunholt
"Adventurers. Wonderful. (wipes hands on her apron) Let me guess. The barrow. Everyone wants the barrow. It's just north past the broken fence, follow the smell, you can't miss it. (points firmly) But you are not cutting through my wheat to get there. I don't care how urgent it is. I have been growing that wheat since before your party was assembled and I will not have it trampled by people in clanking armor who think urgency excuses manners. (beat) Go around the eastern path. Adds about ten minutes. (turns back to her work) And if you come back with whatever's been spooking my chickens, I'll feed you. If you come back through the wheat, I won't. (without looking up) I mean that about the wheat."
Something Small - Pip, Halfling Cleric, Newest Member of the Party
"I'm not asking to be in the front. I know I shouldn't be in the front. (fidgets with the strap of his pack) I just... I can help. I know everyone thinks I'm... I heard what Darro said about me before we left the inn. And he's not wrong, I'm not the most imposing presence, I'll grant that. (small laugh, nervous) But I have brought three people back from single digit hit points this month alone and I think that counts for something. (quieter) I just want to feel useful. I left Millhaven because I wanted to do something that mattered and I've been standing in the back watching you all matter for six weeks. (looks up) Just tell me what you need. Something small. I'll start small."
The Best Deal You'll See Today - Torvin, Dwarven Merchant of Questionable Goods
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't walk away, you haven't even heard the price yet. (follows alongside) Look. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, Torvin, last time you sold me a magic compass it pointed exclusively at pastries. And yes. That happened. But I have since expanded my quality controls significantly. (pulls out a vial) This right here is a genuine Potion of Climbing. Tested it myself, climbed an entire granary, very impressive experience. Now normally this goes for forty gold, but I like your group's energy, so I'll do thirty. (beat) Twenty-eight. (beat) Twenty-five and I throw in a map that is mostly accurate. (stops walking) At least look at the map."
Something In Those Ruins - Aldric, Academic Historian, Slightly Too Excited
"You don't understand what you've found. (grabs the stone fragment with both hands) This glyph here, this isn't Dravosi. Everyone assumes everything pre-Sundering is Dravosi, it is not, and this proves it. (turns it over rapidly) This is Erathi. Which means this structure predates the Dravosi settlement of this region by at least three centuries, which means everything in the current academic record about the colonization timeline is wrong. (looks up, slightly wild-eyed) I need to get into those ruins. I understand there are reportedly monsters. I am choosing not to let that stop me. (looks at the party) You go into ruins professionally, yes? (already walking toward the site) I'll pay you. We can discuss the number while we walk."
Don't Ask About the Scar - Vesper, Half-Elf Ranger, Sitting Alone at the Fire
"It's not a great story. (doesn't look up) People always think it's a great story because of where it is. It's not. It was a merchant's dog outside Brynn and I was eight years old and I made a poor decision about whether the dog was friendly. (beat) The actual scar with the good story, nobody ever asks about because it's on my left shoulder and hidden by the pauldron. That one involves a drake, a rope bridge, and a barrel of cooking oil. (quiet laugh) But no. Everyone points at my face. (finally looks over) You want to hear the drake story? (shifts, getting comfortable) I'll tell you the drake story."
Not What I Came Here For - Tomas, Optimistic Young Adventurer, After His First Real Battle
"I'm fine. I'm fine, just... give me a minute. (sits down heavily) I knew it would be hard. I did. Everyone told me. My father, my uncle, the innkeeper who thought he was being helpful. (quiet) They said people get hurt. They said it's not like the songs. I said I knew. (looks at his hands) I don't think I knew. (beat, then looks up) Is it always like that? The part after? When it's quiet again and you're just... sitting there? (Maret checks his shoulder wound) I'm okay. Honestly. (watches the others moving around camp) I'm not leaving, I want to be clear about that. I'm not leaving. I just need to sit here for another minute and remember why I came. (quietly) I do remember. I just need a minute."
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